back to Dorset

This time last week I arrived back in Parkstone. One week and things have been easy here. The Cyanotype workshop I delivered last week was successful. The sun shone, the paper I'd treated before I left still work and the participants loved it.

Only today did I actually get around to unpacking and washing all my smoke damaged clothes, the paper, photographs and other products of my activities still retain the evidence of the upside down stove.

I feel so unproductive here. After I had unpacked and piled everything into my office/studio room I used every excuse not to act. Complete inertia. I cooked and ate. I bought chocolate. I made lists, but I did not even look at the work I had made.

I have become obsessed with the objects i left behind. The wardrobe full of paper, the squeezed forms of paper pulp that I drained from their buckets before I left. the frames I made. I feel that these are more important than the failed attempt at the mutascope. they are part of it and I have nothing to remind me of there existence but hazy memories of stew making and cleaning pots.

Tomorrow i am attending the first meeting of the 'Laptop Bashing Club' organised by Andy Walders in an attempt to get on with writing for our MA course. More than writing i feel I need to look at and document the objects i have taken back with me.

I miss my yellow room. I miss my broken tap and my upside down stove. I miss my tea pot. I miss Sandra. I miss just making work.

But now is the time to review and reflect, compile and think about what it all means, how it has evolved, where it will go, when it will be finished, when and how i will present it and to whom. Also I must think about a plan for the show Sandra asked me to curate for next years festival in August.

Undocumented

When the prints dried I began the long process of cutting, folding and backing them to form the pages of the flip book. It was tedious repetitive work but I had many visitors. At lunchtime Sandra arrived and announced it was time to eat. The table which had been cover in glue, paper, knives, and acetates was now laden with salad, cheese, cakes, halva and tea cups. Jagna and her friend joined us. We ate and then as I began to get back into work the girls started their conversation about health, medicine, doctors and men (in Estonian).

Today most of the residents were getting things ready for winter, fixing pipes and windows, blocking drafts and Tanel made and attempt to figure out what is up with my stove. This caused the whole 1st floor to be engulfed in smoke and impossible for me to work in my room. At 3pm there was a workshop on papier mache. Sandra suggested that it would be good for me. I went and learned that if you hang a bag of salt need wet paper it absorbs the moisture. You can then leave the salt in a warm room and the water will drip out and you can reuse it.

We were supposed to go to the cinema at 6.30pm but we couldn't get tickets so I ended up going to Jagna's and eating again. Back at Polymer, a while later, the pages I'd attached to the spine of the book had dried to the touch so I began to sew the spine. The needles and thread I bought are rubbish and the thread broke a dozen times. When I'd finished I tried to work out how I might animate it and the thread broke again.

I am beginning to hate it so much. It's sat on the table looking at me like the evidence of failure and hopelessness. I thought about calling it IDST, if destroyed still true.

Failure?

It's almost 4am. I have just cleaned up the equipment from developing the film stills. My body aches and only 3 or 4 out of the 90 images actually looks like there probably could be something happening.

To keep me company I had my media player set to 'play all' so it randomly played any sound file I have saved. From time to time it would play recordings of conversations or journeys I'd saved. A couple of months ago I was at a secondary school talking to the students about my work and university life. I recorded it for research. At the time I had made an epic mistake and destroyed something I'd been working on for 3 months. I'd switched on the yellow light in the darkroom and exposed all the paper I had masticated, macerated, formed, and coated. Strangely whilst I was in the present failing to create a recognisable image I was listening to a recording of myself and the young people taking about the value of 'failed' work; whether all the production was the art, the story or the evidence?

There was a mixed reaction from the audience. I put it to them that if they handed this object to their art teacher and told them it was 3 months work what they expect the reaction would be. For some they would be embarrassed to submit it but others felt that if they had the opportunity to explain it's value then it would be a worthwhile piece of work. Some felt I should see this as a learning curve and begin again, but others countered that I am likely to make other mistake the next time (probably not the same one). All agreed that the work was empty without the explanation I had given them. In response I asked them how they would imagine this in a gallery - as a booklet to go with the work? At this they were perplexed.

Which brings me to another dilemma. I feel that visual art should stand alone visually and that text if there is any should serve to enhance the work. The other evening I joked with Ernest about curating a show called CONtext where we'd write lots of interesting stuff about the show and tell everyone about what they might see but when they get to the venue there are no objects just text.

When I think of what I have been producing this past year - making images on paper of making paper it hasn't been a success in as far as another machine could produce and more coherent series of images. So why do i persist? The processes I am using are outdated because better technology has replaced it. Making paper by hand went out almost as soon as it arrived in the industrial world. Making photographic images using film and enlargers and chemical is a scientific process, exclusively for the neat and conscientious worker; not for someone like me who just wants to play with the ideas.

Is what I am making art? Is it about the process? If so how do you present this work? Maybe I make a film, like Sandra's stand up shows? Present the two beside each other?

New Schedule

I slept on it - the 87 sheets to 280 images. Another problem I haven't mentioned is that although I spend 6 hours putting numbers onto the stills before taking them to be printed no numbers now appear on the images so I have no idea what order they go in.

Okay so maybe I just take every second one and try to print it that way I have extra sheets for errors etc. It's almost 2pm now and I'm just back from Prisma where I got everything on the list.

Friday 14th

2pm coat paper with PVA solution ( 87 x 3mins = 251minutes = 4 hours 11 minutes)
6.15pm finish, break
7pm (it will be dark) coat paper with liquid light (87 x 1 minute = 87mins = 1 hour 27mins)
8.30pm mix developer
8.45pm start making prints (5- 10 mins per print so should get 15 done)
11pm break
11.15pm continue making prints (another 10-15)
1pm finish (watch a movie - chill)

Saturday

10am get up and start making prints (10-15)
12.30pm break
1pm continue with prints (20-30)
5.15pm finish
6pm exhibition opening
9pm arrive back
9.15pm finish making prints
11pm should be done!!


Sunday

I suspect there is some sort of event this day where we all have to get involved. The prints will have time to dry I guess.

Monday

Make machine
Tidy Up

Tuesday

back to Parkstone

Breakthrough - I hope

For days I've been failing to make a print from the stills. Today I dozed until lunchtime and contemplated how I would resolve this problem. The rest served me well.

I have resolved to make prints using liquid light. It was kind of obvious. I'd brought a bottle with me for the purpose, I'd made a darkroom and I even got chemicals from Ernest. Why I had decided against this process I do not know, maybe it was some sort of self sabotage.

Tomorrow I will get up early, get protective gloves so I don't poison myself and thick black bags so that I can block out the window and use the whole room to coat the paper. Then it will be a case of making 140 prints. Exposure is 6 seconds, developing, about 3 minutes and fix for another 2 mins or so. I have resolved not to rinse them and accept the consequences (stickiness and smudging, so far it is not a problem).

Technically I can make 10 prints in one hour, so that's two lots of 7 hours.

Coating the paper and waiting for it to dry is a whole other problem. It takes about 1.5mins to do each side then hang up so I have to leave 3minutes. That's 20 per hour so it will take 7 hours. And then a few hours to dry. Then coating it with liquid light - about 30 seconds but again quite some time to dry. It's cold here, I have an unreliable fan heater which should speed up the process.

Show the schedule:

Thursday 13th

2am write schedule
2.30am go to bed

Friday 14th (thankfully not 13th)

8am wake up, shower
8.30am go to Prisma (have a list)
9.30am return and coat the paper with PVA solution
12.30am break
1pm make room dark
1.30pm continue to coat paper with PVA solution
5.30pm break
6pm start to coat with liquid light
11pm finish

Saturday 15th

8am wake, shower
8.30pm start to make prints
12.30pm break
1pm continue making prints
6pm break
6.30pm coat remainder of sheets with liquid light

interruption - one slight problem I just counted the paper and there are 87 sheets left

Back to the drawing board.

I think I will have to sleep on it.

Parnu

Last year when I was artist in residence at Polymer I rarely left the factory and never when outside Tallinn, so this time I promised I would get out there. The trip to Tartu and the culture factories in the south was disappointingly postponed so Sandra suggested we hitchhike to Parnu the holiday capital of Estonia.

In the morning I did another workshop with the students from the university. This time we tried out cyanotypes and I got a lend of a blow heater so that we could dry the treated paper and use t immediately. There was still not much sun so it would still take a few hours to expose. In the meantime we made paper and discussed photography.



After 12 Sandra turned up so I got ready and we headed out on the road. It was raining but our outlook was positive and we saw this as being an advantage for us; in that drivers would feel sorry for us. We took a trolley bus to freedom square, got some tea and then caught the 18 to the edge of the city. It took about an hour but as we drove the sun came up and it stopped raining.



We were only on the road for 5 minutes when a camper van stopped. He only had one seat and wasn't going very far so we politely declined the offer of a lift. A couple of minutes later a brand new Lexus pulled over. He was going all the way to Parnu - result!!


We drove in silence, listening to cheesy 90 love songs on the radio. We stopped briefly for coffee and got back on the road. The countryside was so pretty in the sun reflecting off the rain soaked roads. On either side miles of natural forest (with bears I'm told).


We arrived in Parnu after 3 and our driver dropped us off outside the gallery were Sandra currently has an exhibition.

Our driver agreed to be documented!

Sandra's exhibition included her series of stand-up shows and caramel sculptures of a giant tongue which seems to have been captured in the act of eating meting sugar brains. In one of her stand-up shows Sandra talks about being a hypochondriact. One she had convinced herself she had diabetes, and although she feared seeing a doctor eventually she went and was told she was fine. Although the results of the test show the facts Sandra seems to doubt this.


After the show we went across the road to a really cute cafe and I had a giant piece of cake with my coffee. I couldn't eat it all so after her soup Sandra ate the rest of it. We browsed some magazines and after some time decided we would walk to the beach. It was a terrible idea because as we walked the rain got heavier and it was almost impossible to see anything. We gave up and decided to browse the shops before going to the opening of Mina Balti's show at the Town Hall.

The cafe was featured in and interior design magazine.

At the show after the speeches most people went up to the artist with flowers, chocolates or wine. It seemed like such a lovely gesture, maybe I will start to do this when I go to openings - start a trend.
The artist had been on a 7 month trip at sea and made the painting in response to this experience. The sailors had brought rum so as well as the beautiful display of fruit punch, traditional Estonian open sandwich/cake and fruit bowl there was a bunch of people in one room necking rum. As I floated from room to room all around was the sound of live folk music. It was a very sensual experience.

After cocktails at a trendy bar Sandra and I disappeared into the night...

Sunless

This morning I went to bed at 2.30am and sat up writing a plan for the workshop in the morning with the students from Tallinn University of Film. I got up again at 6.30am to prepare and everything went to plan except for the sun.

The students were working on an assignment about mass production and were using the printing facilities at polymer. Not all of them could be involved so Ernest brought about 6 of them to my studio at 10am to work on cyanotypes.


During the demo it became clear we did not have enough UV light from the sun to expose the work so instead we made a paper making and glass cleaning factory in my studio. Thankfully I was the only one injured by the glass.

I was sorry that the students did not see the process but we had some time to talk about the process and why an individual would carry out this process when a machine had already completed the task without hinderance.

At 4pm Sandra banged on my door so I made her tea and she showed me her TV show and we talked about other TV shows in Estonia. At 5.50pm we left for her flat because she had a slave coming around to clean it. Two of her friends came around who were planning an exhibition at Srt Container - maybe in January. It was all very full on, but entertaining.

before


during


after

I am tired now and the slave has served me a lot of champange so I must sleep.

Collaboration

Again this morning I got stuck into making. I now have 80 sheets of paper for the rebeccastrainoscope with this project has become known as. It is beginning to come together and there seems to be many things to talk about around it:

• Performance and participation
• Destroying and creating
• Removing history and replacing it
• The self reflexive nature of the work
• Process and Production
• Kinesthetic understanding
• Obsessive actions
• Modular construction
• and probably some more

As I work and talk about what I am doing with the other artists here I feel that many strands of my work are coming together in this work. I have always been interested in the (hi)story of the materials I use and using this as the reference point for whatever I produce. I'm thinking about Winged, The Fine Art of rejection/Selection and Born and Bread in particular.

These projects or 'scores' (I'm steeling this word from Ernest Truely who stole it of Marnina Abramavic) have this common action of requesting specific material from communities as a starting point for making the work. The existence of the work depends of the participation of others. It's risky leaving it up to people to decide whether you go ahead with your plans. Who has the power and who serves? The artist is serving the community by creating something with their materials/action or the community is serving the artist by contributing? The artist requests and the community choose whether to respond. With a request rather than an order the artist approaches without power so it would seem that the power to control the work is in the hands of the community.

But how would it be if the community did not respond? There is the unsaid threat that the artist has the power to disclose their decision not to participate to the wider public and putting the community into a situation where they have to defend their lack of participation. It is strange that the requests I have made thus far have always resulted in a positive contribution from my colaborators. By contributing to the work there is a sense of ownership in the work which changes its value from something connected to an individual to something that is made up of parts and therefore it reflects the community in it's composition.





When I came to Polymer this time I had resolved not to perform, but on arrival I was informed that I was billed as a performer so I should do something. In the end I did what I know and made use of my live audience as participants, contributors and collaborators to the construction of the work. This stage where the viewer entered involved the handing over of my collection of materials. To anyone else it was junk but to me every piece of paper was a document of my personal history for the past few years. Without the attachment to my material I reached out to the viewer to assist me in destroying my past.

It is funny that I have collected this paper for so long, transported it for Leeds to Dorset and still I have not confronted it. Only in the presence of strangers awaiting art was I able to step up to the task and create a sense of confidence in the value of the next stage in the life of this material. Is this why I must spend so long creating this almost impossible object that documents the event?

I was very happy to hear today that I will have some students going me for a lesson in mass production tomorrow. Everything has been prepared and I have come to terms with the inconsistent nature of the Cyanotype process. I feel liberated to share the process with the students and request of them that they contribute their labour under my instruction to create this piece of work. I expect the whole process will open up an interesting dialogue about what it is to attempt mass production on a human scale. When a process becomes a set of instructions that anyone could carry out. In some way we are becoming a machine, factory workers....

I love Polymer

Today I got up when I'd had enough sleep. I got straight into paper making/breakfast.

As it was sunny I thought should try out some cyanotypes, and maybe figure out the washer dryer.



I spent most of the day alone making and I was very productive. At around 5ish Krysta called by, I made coffee and suggested we go chill on the balcony. We chatted about doing an MA, doing nothing and making art. Out on the balcony you can see who comes and goes. I noticed a girl coming in, I thought it might be Eve. Maybe I hoped - I called her name, it was her. She was meeting Ernest at 6.

Krysta and I continued our conversation and after a while Ryan Ernest and Eve turned up. I said they should call at mine so they made it the last stop on their tour. Eve and I talked about Cyanotype and then I suggested we go to Prisma because I was planning stew for dinner. Just as we were leaving Ernest knocked on the door. He was going to Prisma too. So we left together.

I did my shopping. Eve bought wine, Ernest bought us Prisma treats ( it's a secret, you have to come to Tallinn and to Polymer to find out, but they are the best!)



Back at Polymer I prepared stew and Eve and I talked about our work. We have so much in common. i feel like she is on the same wave lenght as me. I asked her about problems I was having. She had no answer but had the same problems. In a way it was cathartic.

The stew was needing to cook so we had time to look at her work. She had images on her laptop. It was funny that one image was almost identical to mine. The rest were very different. We talked about the possibilities, advantages and disadvantages of Cyanotype, We both felt that the images even when positive images appear to be negatives. She told be about 'reversal' a chemical that you use aver developing to make an image positive.

The stew was still not ready. I had ten sheets of paper to make.. Eve didn't mind me continuing to work while we waited. Just then Ernest knocked on the door. I was glad because I felt rude making whilst entertaining.

He was working on writing a review of the show we had been to last night. He had been there today when the artists had done a guided tour. He says they didn't say much.

We ate then and Eve was cold so she and Ernest tried to start a fire. Adam skyped me. I could hear much. He'd bought a coat. It was very smart. And some assassin snails. He seemed tired, he said shopping made him lethargic. So am I now that everyone has left.

Boo Hoo for Tartu

At 8.25am I skipped down the stairs of the factory in my new outfit and packed lunch ready for the trip. There was a chill in the wind and it invigorated me after a pretty sleepless night.

I sat on the swing kicked the dirt. As I drifted I watched the cars that turned into the courtyard wondering how this encounter who happen. I couldn't remember the girls name Sandra had told me yesterday. It definitely began with an M and I'd heard it before. Not as short as Mia, but maybe with an N or L. Would she know my name? How would we identify ourselves?

I grew cold. I suspect the seat of the swing was damp from the rain last night. So I got up and walked into the sunlight. Across the way outside the young anarchists club three people were loading a red van. One seemed to be brushing his teeth. I wasn't sure if they were male or female. Maybe this was my lift? What should I do. I waited and watched and soon they left.

It was coming up to 9am I took out my phone and composed a message to Sandra. I knew she didn't have credit to respond but I was becoming concerned that they had maybe left early, forgotten about me or had been whilst I was there and we hadn't made contact. I pressed send and realised I did not have her number.

The view from my window is the car park. I resolved to go in and get warm, have a coffee and sit in the window to wait. When I got in I had the idea that Sandra may have her number on Facebook. I set my laptop up, filled the kettle and put a cushion on the window still. Before I had made the coffee the Facebook interface had loaded. First story - Sandra Jogeva

Friday-Saturday: a road trip to Tartu and Southern Estonia, to make another episode of my TV show. Cultural centers in Southern Estonia this time. Tartu-Sänna-Mooste-Luunja, here I come!

with the comment
Everything got cancelled, since 2 of the 3 team members just called in sick.

My heart sank. I IM'd Sandra who was online. She reckoned there was a small chance we could get a replacement cameraman and asked me to hang fire until 11am. I held onto the hope and in the meantime started the long process of tearing up paper.

By 11 it was clear the trip wasn't happening. I continued to tear paper and noticed Jaanika was online. She must be in the office. I'd begun to get stuck into the packed lunch I'd made and walked sandwich in hand down the corridor. Jaanika was making tea. She'd been ill so I was surprised to see her. She said she'd had to be in for an important meeting. It was over now and did I want to come to hers for the day. I was still upset about the trip but working on the Mutoscope project had kept me going. I declined her offer. Her second proposal was to get wood for my stove which I agreed to and to call over to hers to get the blender.

It was likely to take some time so I went to soak the paper I'd torn this morning. At the sinks I bumped into Mai. She is making me some trousers, but last nite in my sleeplessness I imagined a dress so I shared this with her. She promptly went and got four dresses she could use for the pattern. I tried on my favourite and she was happy to give it a go. In the meantime Jaan came back and said the wood can be delivered after 4pm so we would go home to hers for a bit first. She had some stuff to do so she would come to my room when she was ready.

I got on with inverting and saving the film stills until she came. It was good timing because I was just making the credits when she called in. It was around 2pm and raining.




Jaanika's flat was so clean and contemporary and homely. I wanted to curl up and go to sleep but of course I didn't. We had tea. Talked about our lives, got nostalgic about Leeds and then heated up some beetroot soup. It was so warm and tasty and I wanted to stay but then the guy who was delivering wood rang and we had to leave.

On the way back to Polymer we got stuck in traffic. The road signs confused me and Jaan was annoyed at the slow drivers. The man was waiting outside with the bags of wood. I went to get the money that Jann had left in my room. Ernest was leaving and held the door open. We lifted the bags upstairs and piled them into my room.

The windows had burst open and the first thing i thought of was my cyanotype paper would be exposed. Yes, somewhere this morning I prepared some paper too. I was flustered. Ernest invited us to an opening of Photo month in Tallinn. Jaan was going into town now. I was flustered and my room was a mess. Ernest said he would come back in 20mins - that sounded like enough time to calm down.

I fixed my window and myself and went outside to wait on the swing. When he came back we walked in the sun and cold air to Freedom Square, walking over Tompei. We were early so got a coffee. Above us he noticed graffiti, possibly made by burning. I tried to take a picture but I was out of memory. As I sat back down Hannah and her friend came towards us and all went into the gallery.

The exhibition was Generation of the Place: Image, Memory and Fiction in the Baltics at Tallinn Art Hall. I recognised the stairway from one of Sandra's shows. We were some of the first people to arrive. I walked into a large room on the right. I read a piece on the wall and it upset me. I continued around the room feeling more and more sad. Almost at the end of the room I bumped into Hannah again. As I spoke to her I could feel tears welling up. Why did I feel this way?

I left the room and went into the corridor on Hannah's advise and watched an film of a homemade space shuttle that made me dizzy. Ernest was there. I told him the exhibition was making me sad and he said this is about experiences that we cannot relate to because we haven't lived through it. So why was I upset? Maybe because you are allowed to be emotional in the presence of art and I was expressing the emotions I'd felt this morning and repressed? Or maybe it was sad that things changed and people suffered and I could empathise with that. I thought maybe a glass of wine would cheer me up.

We walked around the rest of the show chatting, me sipping at my glass. I was critical of the framing, fingerprints and the lack of information about how the images were process and printed. Ernest was impressed with the overall layout and the white frames. He asked whether they might be from Ikea.

We stood for the speeches and then Ernest spotted Eve who he knows from Latvia. She is also working with Cyanotype and he invited her to come to Polymer. I was very pleased to meet her and I hope that she visits so that we can talk about photography and maybe she has tried what I am doing and can advise. She left us and went off to view the show. Ernest asked if I was hungry and suggested pancakes. We waited for a while and then found Eve again and invited her but she had plans.

We got a little lost but soon found a place and sat down to eat. I was in a funny mood. It was loud and I didn't want to read the menu but I was hungry so I ordered. We talked. Ernest told me about a new photography project, what he would do about the Autumn dance, we flicked through the catalogue for the festival and I complained there was no map. I ate mush more than I wanted and then we paid and left.

It was a pleasant walk home. A stag party crossed our path. We talked about films, and views and Henessey Youngman and soon we were at Polymer. It was around nine so I changed and made my space ready for paper making. I've made 8 sheets and I have no press and no size so i will have to leave it until tomorrow. I am very tired but I am not sad anymore.

Negative

So the plan is to make a Mutoscope or something similar with the footage from the performance which will be printed onto the paper made from the performance.

Step one: take stills from the film
Step two: invert them
Step three: print onto acetate
Step four: make hand made paper from paper used in the performance (allow for mistakes so about 500)
Step five: treat the paper with Cyanotype chemicals
Step six: expose the negatives onto the paper and fix
Step seven: assemble into a machine
Step eight: view. Repeat.

Most of today has been taken up taking screen shots (277) and then inverting them. At 4pm Ernest took me on the trolley bus to Freedom Square where we went to the print/copy shop Jajaa's. Apparently the ladies are really stern but we got a nice one. Ernest advised I get a few done and test them so I got 10 for 3.80euros.


We walked past a poster for the Idiot an Estonian film out next week. As we were walking past Solaris the shopping center with an art film cinema we called in to check the times. Ernest got a poster.

At the second hand shop everything was 1.50euros so we browsed and I got an outfit for the trip to Tartu and Ernest got school clothes. Then we took the trolley bus home to Polymer.




Also at 4pm before we left Kimberly Bianca left by taxi for her bus to Riga. We helped tidy the room and she gave me some food and flowers that she was given last night at her party. It was a great party. At around 8pm a bunch of musicians turned up and played some weird instruments. A poet form Russia came and performed while the musicians improvised. A really drunk guy did the most amazing performance poetry and at about midnight a hug pot of masala chai was brought in and we all had chai and apple cake. Meanwhile there was sauna and a DJ and lots of good company. More images on my flickr account.

And now I've tried out the dark room. It works. I've tried the paper it's good. But I have too much light in my room so when I get back I need to acquire a lamp so I can control the light and make better exposures.

I've made some pinhole cameras to take on the trip. I need to pack and make sandwiches for the road, for sure it will be an adventure. When I get back I need to work 12 hours a day to get this done.

Dark Room nearly ready

Yesterday was a flop to be fair. As hard as I tried the less I got done so eventually at 11pm I gave up.framed sawed

Thankfully this morning was better. On the way to brush my teeth I bumped into Mai who bought a necklace off me for 5 euro and also gave me Tanels saw which has a handle unlike the one I'd been using.

This morning was mostly taking up with sawing. Sandra came around at lunchtime and made instant mash and salad and of course tea. Her sculpture had arrived from Finland and she wanted help to move it. She brought the head with her and asked me to lick it. It was caramel.

So she left and I got on with sawing. I popped into Kimberly to give her 5 euro for her poetry CD.

Ernest had lent me his bike so after I had finished sawing I popped up to art container to borrow the staple gun. But as usual it was not simple - there were no staples and the gun was 10 years old and Tanel didn't know a shop that sold staples for this gun. So I took it with me so I could explain to the shop assistant.
frames complete

I cycled to the curtain shop to get netting, and found some carpet slippers for 4euro. After that I dropped off the bike and walked to Prisma where I found staples, a replacement bulb for my light, string to hang up photographs, black paper for making pinhole cameras and two can's of G:N long drink (to be used later for cameras). All was well. When I returned I had time to finish the frames before I bumped into Sandra and a trail of rope. It was time to move the sculpture.

We struggled for a while outside before Eric and Mai came outside, on their way to an exhibition opening. Within 15 mins the sculpture was moved to the rooftop garden and I was covered in caramel and puddle water. When we had tied it up Sandra invited me to the preview. I thought well why not I look like I've been through a bush backwards - why not go to a clean white gallery and meet people I don't know.

the exhibition

Mai Soot wearing the necklace she bought from me

I'm glad I went. It was photography but with an element of performance with reminded me of Gretta Sarfaty.

Now I am home. Hannah dropped in when I had made food so we shared it and then she headed off to collect some wood she had found for her fire.

dark room complete with red light, chemicals, trays, measuring jug and photo paper

Sandra has just asked me to go to Tartu this weekend for a TV show and Marina Amramovic show. I will not be involved but it will be an experience.

Cyanotypes and general settling in

On Friday I started to play with making cyanotypes. I made a few only two worked. I spoke to Ernest about the project and my idea to make photographic documents of the performance using the paper from the performance to print onto so that they have the aura/energy/spirit/connection with the event. I hope today that we will make a dark room.

I've also decided that I will upload photographs to Flickr as I am taking many photographs some just of my surroundings.


here is the link to my photostream





I feel I should mention that this photograph is of the sign for my residency at 42 New Briggate called The Fine Art of Rejection that I did in 2009. I found it in the suitcase on Thursday morning before the performance. My music was playing loudly and I started to dance in the middle of my floor. Then I started to loose my shoes so I kicked them off and dance on the 'I'm Sorry'. Maybe this helped or maybe it is nothing, but I thought I would note it down so that I remembered.

performance for global container

So last night was Global Container 19. It was hectic. I went to buy a dress at 6pm and got lost in the rain on the way back. Eventually I got a tolley bus back and arrived drenched at ten to eight. The line up pretty packed with things kicking off at 8pm so I had ten minutes to get myself together.
I was billed at 22.25 so I had time to dye my hair and see all the performances. It was a rollercoaster on emotions ans sensations as we followed Sandra through the factory to the first performance by Erik Alalooga. I'm finding it impossible to describe his piece which involved huge contraptions, rivers of wires, sound and light techicians, a throat singer, a blow torch and cannon balls. I was on the edge of my seat for the whole show. Apparently this is a much softer version of what he usually presents.
The next two performances I have not got the correct names of the artists to hand so I will talk about them when I find out their full names.

Finally at 23:00 I began to set up my piece. You can see some stills from the video here:








After I had informally ended my work many people came to me with things they had found, photographs and business cards and others took photographs. I found myself on the floor being covered in torn paper.

then I had to sweep it all up and pack it away again!

Stew and Pipe day

I arrived in Tallinn yesterday. Jaanika was waiting for me at the airport and collected me in her new car. After dropping the bags off at Polymer we went for lunch in Teliskivi and a cool little cafe there. Last year it was used for the university degree show but now it has totally changed. The cafe is very rustic but the food is amazing and we had lunch for less that 10euros.


Today Sandra and I decided to make food to sell at the festival to make some money. Sandra made pies and I made an Irish stew but they have no lamb here so I used beef. I hope it is okay.


The pies are finished now, but you can't see them until tomorrow! The stew also needs time to rest.

We had tomato, rocket and caper soup for tea. Some of the performers joined us.

Of course then we had tea.And more tea. And then we had a visit from Super Mario.

The heating in the room is a stove with a pipe to take the smoke outside. The pipe was rusted so the guys here had acquired some new piping but then the next problem was how to replace it. My room is one floor up and the pipe goes from outside my window to above the roof. After one failed attempt we Polymered the pipes and tried again - it worked!!

All the time Kimberly Bianca is at the end of the hall working on her performance for tomorrow. It's loud. She says it's somewhere between a concert and performance poetry - it's looking and sounding pretty epic. She's made CD's and booklets which she's printed on the letterpress print they have here at Polymer. I can't wait to see how it all goes.

Tanel is painting the gallery white where I will be performing. I told him I am making boring art to contrast with all the excitement of the rest of the day. I'm still not sure entirely of the details. Most of it will be about the suitcase of paper I took from Dorset.

Also today I spoke with Mai Soot who is a brilliant performance artist. She says we don't have to understand everything and that we also can't make a brilliant performance every time. Some are better than others for many reasons.

I feel a number of things about my planned performance. Outwardly I am calm and non-chalant about it, but also hinting at the fact that it will not be like the other work on show. I've met all the other artists now. A couple from New Zealand, a girl who has graduated from the same college Sandra went to, Kimberly, Eric - Mai's partner and Hanna. Here sat in my room I wonder what will happen for my performance. I want it to develop by itself. To have a starting point and then for the audience to decide how it goes from there. It will be up to them how long it lasts, whether it is fun or serious. I must decide what I will wear. I was thinking of dressing up like I was going to one of the big events in Bournemouth. I will have to imagine what Violet would suggest I wear. I have good accessories and I will dye my hair. I have no dress. Maybe tomorrow I will buy a dress.

Return to Tallinn

On Tuesday 27th around lunchtime I will be back at Polymer Culture Factory. Sandra Jogeva has asked me to take part in Global Container on 29th September so I have been working on that for a few weeks.

There have been several ideas that have not made it through the self selection process. Finally I have decided on a starting point for my contribution to the 17th Global Container. I am going to transport 3 years of collected paper to Tallinn.



The collection has already travelled from Leeds to Dorset this time last year with the intention of using it to make an object based on the dimensions of a domestic vacuum cleaner but I never got around to it.

Now I will use my 20kg bag allowance to take my collection to Tallinn. Today I located a suitable suitcase and transferred the paper from the cardboard box into the bag. Already I have come up against a problem as the suitcase is full and not all the paper is in there.